Keeping it Real

One of my greatest faults, although I don't see it this way, is my sarcasm. I was recently reminded of this when attending Back to School Night for my 8 year old son. His teacher (whom I love by the way because she stresses reading and is an avid reader herself) was talking about how in 3rd grade their vocabulary begins to flourish. She said that she had stated something in class and was waiting for someone to respond and low and behold my son pipes up and says, "Hey I know what that was, that was sarcasm. My mom uses it daily." 0_o
After I bowed my head in silence for a moment, which lets face it, is not an easy feat for me, she said I think it is great that Nate knows what sarcasm is!

I am sarcastic just about every day. Whether it be at home, work or talking to those I love. That includes my children. I will also say that I have never spoke to my children as if they were "babies" even when they were, nor have I ever treated them any differently in front of others than I would if we were alone. But, I also feel that because of those things I have been judged by many as not being a very "good mother." So I began to think about this. I began to think about all of the times that I have judged other moms and silently scolded myself for doing so. Who am I to judge someone that I don't know, or even if I do know them for that matter, for the way they parent? Perhaps the way they parent works best for them. Perhaps that person wasn't having a very good day. Perhaps, and god forbid, they are in fact a better parent than I am. And you know what, I am finally okay with that. It was as if I needed to accept this fact before fully realizing that I am the only person who can change things if I don't like them and I am the only person who can stop comparing my parenting skills to that of another.

When I think back to my first "job" as a parent, I have to remember that I was 19 years old. I didn't know the first thing about how to "act" as a mother. All I knew was that I loved this little person that had grown in my belly and was placed in my arms and that I would continue to love her for the rest of her life. When I had Nate, I was a bit older but was still learning if you will, what it is like to be a good parent. It wasn't until I had Maddison at the age of 29 that I began to realize that there are always going to be those who judge the way you parent and it is those individuals whom need to change, not I. Of course there are my close friends who will call me out on my shit (see, I swear also) and tell me, do you really think you should call Bella a bitch even if she is being one? No, I probably shouldn't and for that I am thankful, because they love me enough to tell me when I am doing wrong and then it is my turn to reflect on that and change it.

I will be the first person to admit that I lose my temper sometimes, get angry and yell at my children. Do I feel bad afterwards? Of course. Do I wish I could take it back? Sometimes, yes. Does this make me a terrible mother?  In the eyes of some people, I am sure it does, but what should that matter to me anyway.  They are probably those individuals whom will remain judgemental and unhappy their entire lives even though what they portray on the outside is the complete opposite.

In this day and age, it is so easy to make it seem as if your life is perfect. That you are "Mom of the Year" and that others around you couldn't even do half of the things you do on a daily basis. Hence why you post these things on FB for everyone to read and in some ways hope to make others feel less superior than you. This makes it hard for moms like myself to think highly of ourselves. Because we sit there and compare our lives to that of a fallacy when we should really just be thinking about all of the good things we do as mothers as opposed to, "Wow I am so not that great of a mom." I wish that moms were more honest with one another. I wish they posted things on FB that read- "Just dropped my kids of to school with 30 seconds to spare while shoveling pop tarts down them for breakfast. Now going to put my makeup on in traffic so I can make it to my 9:00am meeting! Yay me for being on time today!" True story, last week.

I wish moms would talk about how difficult it is to raise a 13 year old girl all while trying to figure out how much flexibility to give her. Should she be allowed to wear makeup? Should she be allowed to gush over her first crush? Should I be allowing her to talk to her friends on the phone late at night... like her mother used to? I also wish that as mothers we would stop comparing ourselves to other moms that may seem like they have their shit together, but in reality, they are probably just as confused, tired, rushed and discombobulated as we are. I say we forget the stereotypes and begin talking one another up. Complimenting each other on a job well done when getting our kids to school on time. Letting one another know that we too feel their pain and that we are here to listen and empathise. Not pretend to do so, and then turn around and talk shit behind one anothers backs.

I am a work in progress myself. I was one of those moms not too long ago and I am glad that I finally saw the light and have begun to talk up my fellow moms rather than silently judge them for what I felt they should/should not be doing. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be and I am slowly learning to stop striving for perfection because it does not exist when it comes to parenting. I love my children and even though because I am a career mom, I don't get to see them as often as I would like, I know that my circle of moms are always looking out for them. I also know that those I keep close to my heart, are not judging me & if they are, they are doing it out of love and probably to my face. As women we have a hard enough time trying to prove ourselves in the "working world" so why would we want to place those same restrictions on one another in our "mom world." We shouldn't and I think it is sad that we do. I say that the next time you see a mom doing something you think to yourself, gosh I would never do that... you smile instead and it might just make her feel okay about herself. I know that when I do that, it makes me feel better about myself and that makes me a happy girl which in turn makes me a happy mommy.