I ran in to an old friend today while shopping at Costco. Yes, Costco. On a Tuesday. Now this is not something I would normally be able to do you see, but I have been off of work on disability for the last 4 weeks due to having a hysterectomy. AKA the only way a mom gets more than 2 weeks off these days other than birthing a child. This old friend and I get to talking and catching up and we start discussing work and family and kids and I ask her if she is still teaching. She starts to explain that she stopped so that she could be home with her children as they were a part of a parent participation school and there was no way she could do what was expected of her from the school and still work full time or even part time. I wholeheartedly agreed. She then went on to say that her children were no longer a part of that school, but that she just couldn't find it in her to go back to work right now. And do you know why? Because she said that if she did, none of her other duties that she has been doing as a SAHM would go away. I nodded and listened knowing all too well what she was saying and agreeing with her on just about everything.
You see, I have never been a SAHM. I have never been given that opportunity for one reason or another and it is just something that doesn't work for my family at this time in our lives. I have been and still am the "bread winner" if you will, and my husband has been amazing with that. He isn't too prideful that he won't admit it, but it is still so taboo in this day and age for some reason when anyone as so mentions it, things become awkward. I find this extremely annoying for multiple reasons, but the most important one is that more than 1/2 of the women in my circle are the top income earners in their family as well.Yet as a society, we expect women to work as if they don't have a family to care for, yet raise a family as if they don't have to work. Why is that? Why is it that I felt like I should have been grateful that I was able to shop for my family at Costco on a Tuesday at 10:30 AM when it is less crowded while I am still recovering from my hysterectomy? I call bullshit. I call bullshit on all of it. I am sick and tired of these unrealistic expectations that we place on ourselves and on one another. I am tired of feeling like I am not doing enough whether it be at work or at home or for my children or for myself. We need to do better. As a society, we need to do better not just for ourselves, but for our daughters as well as for our sons. These expectations that we have placed on one another are the reasons why SAHM's feel a certain way towards working moms and why working moms feel a certain way toward SAHM's.
Every single mother I know is just striving to do her best. The SAHM who is dealing with the guilt that she feels by not working yet feels guilty for saying she needs a break. The working mom who is dealing with the guilt that she feels for not spending enough time with her family and feels like she would be wrong for asking for a break. When is enough going to be enough? These unrealistic expectations are causing so many of the women in my life to feel defeated on a daily basis. To feel like they are the ones who take on 90% of the housework, yet are still expected to go to work just like their significant other. We no longer live like our parents or their parents once did. It is a different time, a different world and a different reality and as women we have fought really hard to get to where we are, but we still need to do better. We need to be more forgiving of one another. We need to lift one another up in time of need and feel empowered to speak up when we see that someone needs help. We need to feel comfortable to tell our employer that we need to take time off to be with our children/family and not feel guilty for doing so. We need to feel empowered to tell our significant others that we need a day to ourselves when we feel like we are going to break. We need to accept that SAHM's need breaks from their daily routines just as much as working moms do and shouldn't be judged for saying so.
I go back to work in exactly 2 weeks from today and I have made the decision that I am going to view things a little differently this time around. I am not going to be made to feel guilty for any of the things mentioned above and most importantly, I am not going to make myself feel guilty for them. I am going to ask for help when I need help and I am going to do my best to give my all to my career, my family, myself, but also be forgiving when I feel like I just can't give anymore on any particular given day. My hope is that my daughters will grow up to be strong, independent women, that aren't afraid to speak up for themselves. But more importantly that my son will grow up to be a kind, helpful, supportive husband to his wife one day so that she doesn't have to feel like the entire weight of the world is on her shoulders and her shoulders alone. And my hope is that we as a society stop placing these expectations on ourselves and on one another... we are all just trying to be the very best we possibly can and that in itself should be enough.
Tuesday, January 29, 2019
Friday, September 13, 2013
Keeping it Real
One of my greatest faults, although I don't see it this way, is my sarcasm. I was recently reminded of this when attending Back to School Night for my 8 year old son. His teacher (whom I love by the way because she stresses reading and is an avid reader herself) was talking about how in 3rd grade their vocabulary begins to flourish. She said that she had stated something in class and was waiting for someone to respond and low and behold my son pipes up and says, "Hey I know what that was, that was sarcasm. My mom uses it daily." 0_o
After I bowed my head in silence for a moment, which lets face it, is not an easy feat for me, she said I think it is great that Nate knows what sarcasm is!
I am sarcastic just about every day. Whether it be at home, work or talking to those I love. That includes my children. I will also say that I have never spoke to my children as if they were "babies" even when they were, nor have I ever treated them any differently in front of others than I would if we were alone. But, I also feel that because of those things I have been judged by many as not being a very "good mother." So I began to think about this. I began to think about all of the times that I have judged other moms and silently scolded myself for doing so. Who am I to judge someone that I don't know, or even if I do know them for that matter, for the way they parent? Perhaps the way they parent works best for them. Perhaps that person wasn't having a very good day. Perhaps, and god forbid, they are in fact a better parent than I am. And you know what, I am finally okay with that. It was as if I needed to accept this fact before fully realizing that I am the only person who can change things if I don't like them and I am the only person who can stop comparing my parenting skills to that of another.
When I think back to my first "job" as a parent, I have to remember that I was 19 years old. I didn't know the first thing about how to "act" as a mother. All I knew was that I loved this little person that had grown in my belly and was placed in my arms and that I would continue to love her for the rest of her life. When I had Nate, I was a bit older but was still learning if you will, what it is like to be a good parent. It wasn't until I had Maddison at the age of 29 that I began to realize that there are always going to be those who judge the way you parent and it is those individuals whom need to change, not I. Of course there are my close friends who will call me out on my shit (see, I swear also) and tell me, do you really think you should call Bella a bitch even if she is being one? No, I probably shouldn't and for that I am thankful, because they love me enough to tell me when I am doing wrong and then it is my turn to reflect on that and change it.
I will be the first person to admit that I lose my temper sometimes, get angry and yell at my children. Do I feel bad afterwards? Of course. Do I wish I could take it back? Sometimes, yes. Does this make me a terrible mother? In the eyes of some people, I am sure it does, but what should that matter to me anyway. They are probably those individuals whom will remain judgemental and unhappy their entire lives even though what they portray on the outside is the complete opposite.
In this day and age, it is so easy to make it seem as if your life is perfect. That you are "Mom of the Year" and that others around you couldn't even do half of the things you do on a daily basis. Hence why you post these things on FB for everyone to read and in some ways hope to make others feel less superior than you. This makes it hard for moms like myself to think highly of ourselves. Because we sit there and compare our lives to that of a fallacy when we should really just be thinking about all of the good things we do as mothers as opposed to, "Wow I am so not that great of a mom." I wish that moms were more honest with one another. I wish they posted things on FB that read- "Just dropped my kids of to school with 30 seconds to spare while shoveling pop tarts down them for breakfast. Now going to put my makeup on in traffic so I can make it to my 9:00am meeting! Yay me for being on time today!" True story, last week.
I wish moms would talk about how difficult it is to raise a 13 year old girl all while trying to figure out how much flexibility to give her. Should she be allowed to wear makeup? Should she be allowed to gush over her first crush? Should I be allowing her to talk to her friends on the phone late at night... like her mother used to? I also wish that as mothers we would stop comparing ourselves to other moms that may seem like they have their shit together, but in reality, they are probably just as confused, tired, rushed and discombobulated as we are. I say we forget the stereotypes and begin talking one another up. Complimenting each other on a job well done when getting our kids to school on time. Letting one another know that we too feel their pain and that we are here to listen and empathise. Not pretend to do so, and then turn around and talk shit behind one anothers backs.
I am a work in progress myself. I was one of those moms not too long ago and I am glad that I finally saw the light and have begun to talk up my fellow moms rather than silently judge them for what I felt they should/should not be doing. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be and I am slowly learning to stop striving for perfection because it does not exist when it comes to parenting. I love my children and even though because I am a career mom, I don't get to see them as often as I would like, I know that my circle of moms are always looking out for them. I also know that those I keep close to my heart, are not judging me & if they are, they are doing it out of love and probably to my face. As women we have a hard enough time trying to prove ourselves in the "working world" so why would we want to place those same restrictions on one another in our "mom world." We shouldn't and I think it is sad that we do. I say that the next time you see a mom doing something you think to yourself, gosh I would never do that... you smile instead and it might just make her feel okay about herself. I know that when I do that, it makes me feel better about myself and that makes me a happy girl which in turn makes me a happy mommy.
After I bowed my head in silence for a moment, which lets face it, is not an easy feat for me, she said I think it is great that Nate knows what sarcasm is!
I am sarcastic just about every day. Whether it be at home, work or talking to those I love. That includes my children. I will also say that I have never spoke to my children as if they were "babies" even when they were, nor have I ever treated them any differently in front of others than I would if we were alone. But, I also feel that because of those things I have been judged by many as not being a very "good mother." So I began to think about this. I began to think about all of the times that I have judged other moms and silently scolded myself for doing so. Who am I to judge someone that I don't know, or even if I do know them for that matter, for the way they parent? Perhaps the way they parent works best for them. Perhaps that person wasn't having a very good day. Perhaps, and god forbid, they are in fact a better parent than I am. And you know what, I am finally okay with that. It was as if I needed to accept this fact before fully realizing that I am the only person who can change things if I don't like them and I am the only person who can stop comparing my parenting skills to that of another.
When I think back to my first "job" as a parent, I have to remember that I was 19 years old. I didn't know the first thing about how to "act" as a mother. All I knew was that I loved this little person that had grown in my belly and was placed in my arms and that I would continue to love her for the rest of her life. When I had Nate, I was a bit older but was still learning if you will, what it is like to be a good parent. It wasn't until I had Maddison at the age of 29 that I began to realize that there are always going to be those who judge the way you parent and it is those individuals whom need to change, not I. Of course there are my close friends who will call me out on my shit (see, I swear also) and tell me, do you really think you should call Bella a bitch even if she is being one? No, I probably shouldn't and for that I am thankful, because they love me enough to tell me when I am doing wrong and then it is my turn to reflect on that and change it.
I will be the first person to admit that I lose my temper sometimes, get angry and yell at my children. Do I feel bad afterwards? Of course. Do I wish I could take it back? Sometimes, yes. Does this make me a terrible mother? In the eyes of some people, I am sure it does, but what should that matter to me anyway. They are probably those individuals whom will remain judgemental and unhappy their entire lives even though what they portray on the outside is the complete opposite.
In this day and age, it is so easy to make it seem as if your life is perfect. That you are "Mom of the Year" and that others around you couldn't even do half of the things you do on a daily basis. Hence why you post these things on FB for everyone to read and in some ways hope to make others feel less superior than you. This makes it hard for moms like myself to think highly of ourselves. Because we sit there and compare our lives to that of a fallacy when we should really just be thinking about all of the good things we do as mothers as opposed to, "Wow I am so not that great of a mom." I wish that moms were more honest with one another. I wish they posted things on FB that read- "Just dropped my kids of to school with 30 seconds to spare while shoveling pop tarts down them for breakfast. Now going to put my makeup on in traffic so I can make it to my 9:00am meeting! Yay me for being on time today!" True story, last week.
I wish moms would talk about how difficult it is to raise a 13 year old girl all while trying to figure out how much flexibility to give her. Should she be allowed to wear makeup? Should she be allowed to gush over her first crush? Should I be allowing her to talk to her friends on the phone late at night... like her mother used to? I also wish that as mothers we would stop comparing ourselves to other moms that may seem like they have their shit together, but in reality, they are probably just as confused, tired, rushed and discombobulated as we are. I say we forget the stereotypes and begin talking one another up. Complimenting each other on a job well done when getting our kids to school on time. Letting one another know that we too feel their pain and that we are here to listen and empathise. Not pretend to do so, and then turn around and talk shit behind one anothers backs.
I am a work in progress myself. I was one of those moms not too long ago and I am glad that I finally saw the light and have begun to talk up my fellow moms rather than silently judge them for what I felt they should/should not be doing. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be and I am slowly learning to stop striving for perfection because it does not exist when it comes to parenting. I love my children and even though because I am a career mom, I don't get to see them as often as I would like, I know that my circle of moms are always looking out for them. I also know that those I keep close to my heart, are not judging me & if they are, they are doing it out of love and probably to my face. As women we have a hard enough time trying to prove ourselves in the "working world" so why would we want to place those same restrictions on one another in our "mom world." We shouldn't and I think it is sad that we do. I say that the next time you see a mom doing something you think to yourself, gosh I would never do that... you smile instead and it might just make her feel okay about herself. I know that when I do that, it makes me feel better about myself and that makes me a happy girl which in turn makes me a happy mommy.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Working Mama
In the last few months, I have to come to appreciate what I know as the little moments. At least that is what I like to call them. I am a Career Mom. Yes that is a title, and yes I wear it proudly, yet with all great titles come struggles that I never could have imagined before bearing the title. These days, more often than not, I have moments where I miss having a 9-5 job where I went to work, did what I was paid to do (most of the time) & then went home, leaving any and everything work related where it belonged... at work. But, a little over 7 years ago I made a decision that changed all that.
See, I have never been the kind of girl who "settles" for well, this must be it. Ever since I can remember I have been on what I have come to refer to as "5 year plans". I have babies every 5 years, I change positions every 5 years & I become what I have defined as "restless" every 5 years. At this moment, I believe I am going through one of my "restless" phases. You see, I am currently struggling with the fact that the reality of my situation, much like many other mom's I know, is that I have to get up and go to work five days a week. After the birth of my 3rd child, yes I have 3, yes I have a career & yes I drink vodka more nights than not, it has become more prevalent that I am constantly battling the urge to quit my job, become a SAHM & if we're being honest, move into a 1 bedroom apartment because that is all we would be able to afford.
I knew that when I made the decision to go into management 7 years ago it meant I would have to sacrifice time with my children, but I also knew that it would pay off in the end because of what I would be able to provide for them. Yet 7 years ago I was a single mom & my main focus was how & what was I going to do to be able to take care of them. So at that particular time in my life I made some decisions to let go of the bad, grab hold of the good and see where it took us. Within a few short years those decisions took myself, Bella & Nate to a place where I re-met the man of my dreams, fell in love, married him & had another baby all within a year. And as soon as that 10lb 14oz bundle of joy arrived, our family felt complete and for the first time in my life I was completely content with where I was. Or was I?
Low and behold, the 5 year mark of "it's time to change your position" came around & before I knew it I was looking for something new. If we're being honest, which let's face it I have a bad habit of doing, even before I had Maddison I knew I was getting bored of my routine in regards to my career and that at any moment I was on the verge of making a change. So shortly after returning from maternity leave I decided to pursue a career as a Manager knowing all too well that it would involve even more of my time yet on the flip side, it would provide even more benefits in the long run.
When I was offered my current position I couldn't have been more thrilled and even though I am still loving it 18 months in, I have come to a place where I am questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing. Every day I look at Bella, Nate & Maddie and see how much they are changing. I see how fast the time goes, and how much time I don't get to spend with them and although I am ever so grateful for my husband, my mother, my mother n law and all the other people in my life who they get to spend time with, I struggle with the fact that the majority of the time it is not with me.
The sacrifices that we as career mom's have to make are some of the hardest sacrifices we will ever make because the reality is, the one thing we can never get back is time. And what I have come to realize is that time in itself is the most precious thing of all. It isn't going to matter to Bella that I could afford the expensive UGG's she wanted, or the iPod Touch that Nate wanted, rather that I was there to see her first home run and his first touchdown because those are things you can't see again. Those are moments that will stay with me forever & hopefully with them. Yet, at this moment, that is not an option. I can only hope that I don't miss those moments, or at least not all of them. That I can somehow manage to do it all & then some so that I am giving 100% to everything including my career & children and not just one or neither of them. I can only hope that all 3 of them realize that what I am doing is no longer really for me, but for them and what I want to be able to provide for them each and every day. Is it the right thing, I don't have an answer to that, but what I do know is that with every day that passes I believe that I am getting that much closer to where I want to be. That I will one day find a balance and that in the end what matters most is that they know how much the little moments mean to me. That I couldn't be prouder of the people they are becoming & that maybe by me being a career mom it is somehow helping to form the adults they will become one day.
My son said to me this morning that he wanted to be a man like his Nunu when he grows up. When I asked him what that meant he said someone like you mom, someone who is good and smart and who has a good job, but he is a boy and you're a girl so that is why I said Nunu. I had to smile to myself because I knew what he meant and I knew in my heart that it meant that for now at least I am doing the right thing and that even if I can't always see it, the people who matter the most can.
See, I have never been the kind of girl who "settles" for well, this must be it. Ever since I can remember I have been on what I have come to refer to as "5 year plans". I have babies every 5 years, I change positions every 5 years & I become what I have defined as "restless" every 5 years. At this moment, I believe I am going through one of my "restless" phases. You see, I am currently struggling with the fact that the reality of my situation, much like many other mom's I know, is that I have to get up and go to work five days a week. After the birth of my 3rd child, yes I have 3, yes I have a career & yes I drink vodka more nights than not, it has become more prevalent that I am constantly battling the urge to quit my job, become a SAHM & if we're being honest, move into a 1 bedroom apartment because that is all we would be able to afford.
I knew that when I made the decision to go into management 7 years ago it meant I would have to sacrifice time with my children, but I also knew that it would pay off in the end because of what I would be able to provide for them. Yet 7 years ago I was a single mom & my main focus was how & what was I going to do to be able to take care of them. So at that particular time in my life I made some decisions to let go of the bad, grab hold of the good and see where it took us. Within a few short years those decisions took myself, Bella & Nate to a place where I re-met the man of my dreams, fell in love, married him & had another baby all within a year. And as soon as that 10lb 14oz bundle of joy arrived, our family felt complete and for the first time in my life I was completely content with where I was. Or was I?
Low and behold, the 5 year mark of "it's time to change your position" came around & before I knew it I was looking for something new. If we're being honest, which let's face it I have a bad habit of doing, even before I had Maddison I knew I was getting bored of my routine in regards to my career and that at any moment I was on the verge of making a change. So shortly after returning from maternity leave I decided to pursue a career as a Manager knowing all too well that it would involve even more of my time yet on the flip side, it would provide even more benefits in the long run.
When I was offered my current position I couldn't have been more thrilled and even though I am still loving it 18 months in, I have come to a place where I am questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing. Every day I look at Bella, Nate & Maddie and see how much they are changing. I see how fast the time goes, and how much time I don't get to spend with them and although I am ever so grateful for my husband, my mother, my mother n law and all the other people in my life who they get to spend time with, I struggle with the fact that the majority of the time it is not with me.
The sacrifices that we as career mom's have to make are some of the hardest sacrifices we will ever make because the reality is, the one thing we can never get back is time. And what I have come to realize is that time in itself is the most precious thing of all. It isn't going to matter to Bella that I could afford the expensive UGG's she wanted, or the iPod Touch that Nate wanted, rather that I was there to see her first home run and his first touchdown because those are things you can't see again. Those are moments that will stay with me forever & hopefully with them. Yet, at this moment, that is not an option. I can only hope that I don't miss those moments, or at least not all of them. That I can somehow manage to do it all & then some so that I am giving 100% to everything including my career & children and not just one or neither of them. I can only hope that all 3 of them realize that what I am doing is no longer really for me, but for them and what I want to be able to provide for them each and every day. Is it the right thing, I don't have an answer to that, but what I do know is that with every day that passes I believe that I am getting that much closer to where I want to be. That I will one day find a balance and that in the end what matters most is that they know how much the little moments mean to me. That I couldn't be prouder of the people they are becoming & that maybe by me being a career mom it is somehow helping to form the adults they will become one day.
My son said to me this morning that he wanted to be a man like his Nunu when he grows up. When I asked him what that meant he said someone like you mom, someone who is good and smart and who has a good job, but he is a boy and you're a girl so that is why I said Nunu. I had to smile to myself because I knew what he meant and I knew in my heart that it meant that for now at least I am doing the right thing and that even if I can't always see it, the people who matter the most can.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Who I Am
I hate this cliche but my life is EXACTLY like a merry-go-round that never stops & the only way off is to jump... I try to do more than I myself know I can & sometimes I take it out on the wrong people... my family. There are days that I think to myself, what would it be like if I didn't have kids, if I didn't have a husband. By the way, for those of you who are reading this right now & judging me, you should start being honest with yourselves cause as mothers & wives, we all have those thoughts at least once in our lives.
I start to imagine who I would be. Would I be a famous author? Would I be an executive in New York? Would I be a doctor like I had planned to be? But then I think of all of the things I wouldn't be. I wouldn't be that mom at Bella's games proudly cheering her on when she scores over half the points in her basketball game. I wouldn't be Nate's mom who comes home with better report cards than his mommy ever did & I wouldn't be Maddie's mommy who every time she sees me her eyes light up & her smile can change my day in a heartbeat. I wouldn't be a wife who has a husband that asks her every morning, how does your head feel? Do you need me to get you anything? And I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it wasn't for all of the things in my life that I sometimes wish could be paused if even for a moment, a second, a year. As a mother, you can't take a sabbatical & come back a year later to start where you left off. You don't have the privilege of saying I think I will go on a 3 week vacation, call a travel agent & just pack. You have to worry about who will watch the kids, how they will get to school, who will take them to their sporting events & so forth. But what you do have the privilege of is knowing these amazing beautiful individuals who you helped create & watching them accomplish new things every day. You have the privilege of loving another person as much as they love you & sharing special moments with them even if it is only a weekend in Reno where strawberries, champagne & sushi are the highlight of your trip & you will talk about it for weeks. You have the privilege of meeting wonderful mommy's in your circle that help you take your kids to school, pick them up, drop them off at events & keep them over night when you feel like you can't take another mis-hap or you are going to run away... forever. I can't say that every day is wonderful & that I cherish every moment, but even the chaotic one's I know I should cause if I didn't have them, my life would not be complete. I am who I am because of many things, but the woman I am at this very moment is who I choose to be. Would I have chose her when I was 18? I don't know, but what I do know is that at 18 I made a decision that changed my life forever & when that decision asked me this morning if she could borrow some clothes, I smiled & told her of course let's go find something for you to wear. So yes my life is a merry-go-round, but you know what, I happen to enjoy merry-go-rounds they are slow enough to take it all in, yet steady enough to get you through one obstacle & on to the next without completely losing your mind. So for now I will continue to enjoy the ride for as many days I am blessed with & know that one day when my kids have their own children I will call that travel agent, book that 3 week vacation & have many strawberries, champagne, sushi moments with the love of my life that we will talk about forever. But until then, I am off to go shopping so that my 11 year old can stop "borrowing" mommy's clothes!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A Mother & Daugher
My mom & I do not always see eye to eye. Then again, I believe that not seeing eye to eye is essential in the growth of a strong mother/daughter relationship & that sometimes it may make the bond stronger. My own relationship with my mother for example is constantly tested by the decisions we make, the words we use & the manner in which we choose to deal with situations. Yet somehow, my mom & I always seem to make it through. I was 19 when I had Isabelle. My mom was my rock & the ONLY reason that I got through that first week without feeling like I was on another planet. She stayed with me through every contraction, every push & eventually every first that I would experience as a first time mother myself. The weekend of my 21st birthday my life changed drastically & although I am sure my mom thought it better for me to be home with Isabelle every night, she graciously allowed me to do what any normal 21 year old wants to do & did not make me feel guilty for it. (at least not very often ;). She may not know this, but she saved me. I was able to go out every other weekend, be young and crazy & make bad decisions with my girlfriends & all the while, she was at home with Bella not wanting me to miss out on my youth. Five years later I had Nate. Once again not so wise choices landed me in a situation where I found myself needing my mom more than ever & what does she do? She tells my dad they are selling their big, beautiful, brand new house in Tracy to move back closer to her grand babies & her children so that she can help her daughter one more time. My children are now 11 & 6 and not a day goes by that she does not offer to do something for them, for me, or for my newest little one 7 month old Maddison. I will admit she can be overbearing from time to time, but then again what mother isn't? I know that she means well & although I would like to think that my children are who they are because of me I know that large parts of their personality come from my own mother who's strong influence shines through more often than not. And although this makes it hard for me to always see eye to eye with my own daughter, I know that she will be a better person from having both of us in her life rather than just me. I may not say it often enough, but I think she knows how much she means to me. I think she knows the days I need her to call me up & ask me if I want her to take Nate to baseball practice. If I want her to bring the kids dinner, or if I want her to take me shopping... even if I am 30 years old. And if she doesn't already know this, I hope that now she does... You are very much appreciated mom... Today, tomorrow and always.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Then & Now
When I was younger, I used to believe that I didn’t want to be like my mom. The stay at home mom/domesticated house wife story was way over rated and I didn’t ever see myself settling in to a pattern like the one I was raised in.
But then, I grew up. And the next thing I knew I started to feel like I wanted that more and more. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not your average mom by any means, and definitely not by my own mother’s standards. But, I am a good mom. I may only cook breakfast on the weekends, I drink more than I should at dinner parties, and I enjoy my ALONE time. Nonetheless, these are minor details in the grand scheme of what really matters. I kiss my kids whenever I feel like it, I tell them stories of when I was younger and ensure them that they will not make the same mistakes I once did and I help them to see that although we may not be like everyone else, we are perfect for what we are, a family.
I am a successful career woman. I have a career that I love, which makes it even easier to be successful at it. I have 2 beautiful children, a nice home in a good school district and guess what? I’m single. Not such a big surprise is it? I don’t mind it, I actually enjoy being single. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself when you get home, you don’t have to cook dinner if you don’t want to (and I don’t) and you never have to worry about the toilet seat being left up, (unless of course my 4 year old boy uses mommy’s potty.) But just recently, I felt like I was missing something… LOVE. It’s true, I have given it a shot a time or two, (they have different fathers but who’s counting), it just never really worked out. I don’t regret the decisions I have made, I just question them. I believe that as a woman of 28, I should know better than to dive head first into a pool with no water… or do I? I recently started dating someone. And when I say recent I mean 2 months ago recent. I have “known” him for a very long time, but haven’t seen or talked to him in over a decade…
He moved in last Monday. : )
I know what you’re thinking. What in the hell is wrong with this girl? She has two kids out of wedlock already (did I mention I never married either of their father’s?) She just got out of a 7 month relationship, (probably failed to mention that one too, didn’t I?) And now she just let someone whom she has been dating for 2 months move in with her and her children??! I know, I know, its crazy, but you know what, for the first time in my life I am doing what I want to do without listening to what everyone else around me has to say, and it feels soooo unbelievably exhilarating!
I wrote this exactly 2 years ago this month... SO much has changed... stay tuned
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